Thursday, February 28, 2008

Our Hearts Are Fixed, Trusting in the LORD

It's been a full week since Paul's left eye surgery. We just returned from his 2nd post-op appt today and found out that his eye pressure, which was at a scary "40" three weeks ago is now down to a dangerous "0"! Post-op recovery has left Paul's eye red, sore, irritated, blurry, and very sensitive to light which is all normal & expected, but to go and find out that there is actually a small leak at the suture site, definitely took us by surprise. Isn't that funny? You would think that with all the surprises we've had these past couple of months we would be pros at receiving unexpected news! Not really! As we sat there and processed the information Dr. Lee was relaying to us calmly and professionally, we were a bit stunned..okay...shocked. With his right eye surgery, everything went so smoothly. The doctor did not have to "tweak" his eye..not even once during those 6 weeks of post-op appts.! Everything healed perfectly. His left eye is definitely not following the same recovery path.



Today, Dr. Lee swiped some dye over the surgical site, and through her magnifying lens, was able to see the tiny leak. She placed a "bandage" contact lens to cover his iris, most of his sclera, and even the surgical site under his eye lid in hopes that the tiny hole that was made from the suture needle would heal up within the week. Though at a "0", she pointed out that apparently the eye is still reacting positively as it has not rejected the procedure. "Your eye just needs to heal up over that tiny leak near the suture," she said. If not, next Wednesday Paul may have another mini-surgery to close it up tighter.
On our 30 minute drive home from Richmond, we both were quiet; we both were deep in thought. Lose hope? Despair? NO!! Psalm 27:13-14 says:

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I
would see
the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take
courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.
"

Our hearts took courage as choruses of praise and trust in our Lord came to mind:

"Find rest, my soul, in Christ alone, know His power, in quietness and trust...
When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with you above the storm.
Father, You are King over the flood. I will be still and know You are God!"

Earlier this week, I was reading about the Israelites and how God delivered them out of the oppressive hand of the Egyptians and brought them safely through the midst of the Red Sea on dry land. What an incredible story. (Exodus 14) I am amazed over and over again how mighty and powerful my God is. Can you imagine those mighty walls of water heaped up on both sides which God held in place as more than a million people walked across on dry land? He held it perfectly in place so that even the smallest child could cross, and at the right time He let go of the flood gates to overthrow the Egyptians who were in hot pursuit after the Israelites. Why? So that the people would know that He is the LORD and He is to be honored and glorified!
Is He in control over the mighty seas? Yes!
Is He in control over a tiny microscopic leak? Of course!


Spurgeon said it well when he commented on Psalm 112:7:
"He shall not be afraid of evil tidings;
his heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD."

"Faith is the cure for this condition...The Lord by His Spirit settles the mind in holy serenity, and all fear is gone as to the future as well as the present. This fixedness of heart is..to be diligently sought after. Let the morrow be what it may, our God is the God of tomorrow. Our Jehovah is God of the unknown as well as the known. We are determined to trust the LORD, come what may. If the worst should happen, our God is still the greatest and best. Therefore we will not fear...The Lord liveth, and what can his children fear?"
-portions from Feb 27's daily reading from the Cheque Book of the Bank of Faith by C.H. Spurgeon




Praise/Prayer Updates:

  • Tomorrow is Paul's third and last chemotherapy treatment! We praise God that Dr. Shwartz gave the green light to proceed with the treatment even though his white blood count is at its lowest -2.4- since we started this cancer journey. (Last week it was at 6.)

  • We praise God that Paul still has not gotten sick! Pray for continued protection of health.
  • We praise God that the Lord gave us a day to enjoy a leisurely bike ride when his chemo side effects tapered off before his eye surgery and before he was unable to do any physical activities, lifting, straining, bending, driving, etc. for at least a month. So much fun!

  • Please pray that God would mercifully heal the tiny leak in Paul's left eye.

  • We anticipate that this next week will be pretty rough with the fresh onset of chemo side effects plus the uncertainties of a very irritated, sore, blurry, leaky eye, plus low blood counts... Please pray for us in every way...

Paul's Calendar of Events for March:

Feb 29th: Last chemotherapy treatment@ 8:00 to 3:00 (VJO)

March 5th: Post-op eye appt. @ 12:00 (RCH)

March 10th: Pre-radiation appt. @ 9:00 (Queen of the Valley, Napa)

March 11th: Post-op eye appt. @ 9:30 (RCH)

March 17th: Post-op eye appt. @ 9:15 (RCH)

March 17-21: 1st week of Radiation begins (QVN)

March24th: Post-op eye appt. @10:30 (RCH)

March 24-28: 2nd week of Radiation (QVN)

March 31st: Post-op eye appt. @ 10:40 (RCH)

March 31-April 4: 3rd and last week of Radiation (QVN)

April 14: Phone appt. w/ Dr. Schwartz to discuss future follow-up plan @ 4:50





Thursday, February 21, 2008

"Only One Life, 'Twill Soon be Past..."

On last Wednesday morning at 6:40 am, this poster greeted me as I was pulling out of the garage to take Jenna to school! Isn't this such a sweet sign? It was the handiwork of our sneaky daughter and son-in-law, Jess and Mike, the night before. We didn't even have a clue what was going on outside though we were wondering why Julia and Jenna were so loud and giggly in the kitchen. We thought they were just having a good ol' time baking cookies & doing their chores rather than masking the sounds of the two busy bodies outside! That afternoon, my husband took me out for an enjoyable lunch at Applebees. (Thanks again to Jess and Mike for covering the tab!) We spent our time leisurely reminiscing over the last 20 years of God's faithfulness to us. Wow...time sure flies! And as we looked back on the highlights of our marriage, what came to mind was a quote Paul shared with me from the book he is currently reading called Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper.


"Only one life, 'twill soon be past;
Only what's done for Christ, will last!"

It is true that what is done for Christ is what will last because that was what we found ourselves recalling to mind-the joy of serving Him together over the years: when we were serving in the Youth Ministry before we were engaged, doing puppets in Children's Church Sonshine Street Ministry (you had to have been there at CBC in the 80's), discipleship relationships, the college and career ministry, ministering to the families in our home fellowship group, being part of the missions' team and those first CBC missions trips we participated in....how grateful we are to have had the opportunity to serve our Lord and His Body, and it is with much desire & eagerness that we will continue to serve Him the rest of our days.

It's amazing how trials like this are meant and have the ability to keep us focused on what's truly important and lasting. During our family devotion time over supper a couple nights ago, Paul reminded us of Psalm 39:4-5:


"Lord, make me to know my end and what is the extent of my days; Let me know how transient I am! Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths, and my lifetime as nothing in Your sight; surely every man at his best is a mere breath."


Through this cancer, the Lord has been gracious to show us in a very real way how transient our lives are before we live out long, full lives and find that we've wasted it on things that weren't so important. He's definitely gotten our attention. It's been purifying to say the least. Perhaps sooner than later, we will be no more. Are we ready to give an account of how we used the "mere breath" of our days to glorify Him? Hmm...don't answer that...let's just get busy!


The following is a link to an article that was passed on to us by a sister who triumphed through a bout with cancer, and it has greatly encouraged us. It's written by John Piper (and David Powlison) when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer entitled, "Don't Waste Your Cancer". We pray that it will encourage you to waste not another day but to live wholly for the glory of God...it is for your good!


Here are the ten main points from John Piper/David Powlison's article, "Don't Waste Your Life." Click on the link above or copy and paste in your browser to access the whole article.

1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.
2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.
3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rether than from God.
4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.
5. You will waste your cancer if you think that "beating" cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.
6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.
7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.
8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.
9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.
10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

By John Piper, Desiring God
website: desiringGod.org



Prayer Updates:
  • Paul will be having eye surgery today on his left eye! Praise God! It's the exact surgery he had done on his right eye back in Dec. Please pray for a smooth 6 week recovery and that the effects of his chemotherapy/radiation treatments will not interfere with his eye's healing process.

  • Please pray for continued protection of Paul's health. Last week, Silas had "pink eye" and caught my cold; this week, Julia has laryngitis. Praise God that Paul still hasn't gotten sick from any of us yet.

  • Did you notice Paul's new "do" up above? (He looks good, huh?) Last week, he suffered so much pain from scalp sensitivity...absolutely miserable! With much care, gentleness, and nervousness, I shaved my very first head ever! Paul felt so much better after and the pain eased up quite a bit...he's just got a cold head now!

Monday, February 11, 2008

The Lord is My Strength and My Shield

Before I proceed to share with you what’s been going on presently, let me backtrack a couple weeks, since I’ve been a little slow to sit myself long enough in front of the computer. We are so grateful for the body of Christ who has ministered to us and surrounded us with their help and prayers of daily needs that have arisen these past weeks. Though cyberspace is awesome, so glad that “word of mouth” is still the oldest & most personal means to get the word out of what’s been going on! (It was effective for Christ & his apostles and it definitely works for us, too!)

Like I mentioned on an earlier post, Paul’s chemo side effects were minimal, but what threw us for a loop was all the problems with now his left eye! After trying a new gel type of medication, the pressure still went up to 40. That was replaced with yet another kind, in pill form, and after a week his eye pressure went down to 28 but his reaction to it has been making him miserable…worse than the chemo drugs, not to mention that “28” still isn’t good enough to stay away from surgery. His fatigue is extreme, numbness in his hands and feet, and major headaches. Needless to say, his eye specialist and oncologist talked and agreed that surgery should not be delayed and the date is set for February 21st, timed right before his 3rd chemo treatment on Feb 29th, hopefully when his blood count is on the upswing. We, and many others were praying specifically that Paul would be able, if at all possible, to have this surgery done even while in the chemo process since recovery time for it is another 6 weeks with no lifting, straining, bending, etc. We praise God that the eye recovery time and chemo/radiation will (Lord willing) both end, simultaneously around mid-April. We couldn’t have orchestrated that any better….only God!


On the lighter side of family news, God never ceases to amaze us in how He not only knows and meets our needs (and generously, too, through families in our church), but takes note of the things that go beyond our needs, and looks at our heart’s desire. Our church youth group had their annual Winter Discipleship Camp coming up on the calendar (Feb 1-3), and our youngest daughter, Julia, finally became of age to actually attend. But because we’ve had to adjust financially during this time, we knew that we couldn’t entertain it. Yet God did, and the day before the youth group headed for the snow, we received a phone call from a dear couple who works with the youth, and they invited Julia to go, with her way paid in full!! Amazing, isn’t He!



Now we’re caught up to this past weekend! A few days ago, Paul underwent his 2nd chemotherapy treatment. It was two hours shorter than the first time, only 7 hours, and the first couple of hours went smoothly with a lot of goofing around!





I was trying to get a "normal" picture with him but I guess this is as normal as he gets! Oh well, I did warn him fair and square that this would make it into cyberspace if he didn't straighten up!



You see why I love him so? The silly boy keeps me laughing.

But the day seemed to grow longer as the side effects were hitting him quicker and harder while receiving the chemo. Just when Paul was sitting at the edge of his chair, getting a little stir crazy and wanting “out!”, the Lord sent two special visitors our way, Vern and Pat Hendrickson! What a joy to see them and fellowship with them right there in our treatment room. Our dear brother and his wife are going through a similar trial but with lung cancer.
There was nothing sweeter than to see the love of Jesus bubble out of them as they announced to our nurse who we called to take our picture, that “we belong to the same church…we belong to the same God!” Just like Vern was sharing with Paul before they took off, “The Lord knows how to give us exactly what we need!”


(Click on the link for Vern on the side bar as they, too, have given us updates on their journey.)

“R-CHOP”, the acronym for that wonderful blend of 5 medications, has delivered a stronger serving of side effects this time around for my husband. My poor guy! More fatigue, more nausea, heartburn, unsettled stomach, loss of appetite, loss of hair, scalp sensitivity, upper body

quivers, awful taste in his mouth, numbness in hands & feet… And to top it all off, the rest of the family has managed to take turns, each bringing home some type of sickness, be it a fever and severe sore throat (Silas), a fever and cold (Julia), runny nose (Jenna) and presently, yours truly, with a fever in the beginning and head congestion/laryngitis now. It seemed like the kids would come home from school miserably sick, but then Lord would heal them quickly, literally within a couple days. It was so cool..it just blows me away!! My cold, on the other hand, is sticking with me a lot longer, so by Friday, I decided it was time to move out of our bed and into the guest bedroom until I get better. Sad! But more sad I would be if Paul caught what I have! I’m reminded of the verse that Paul shared with me:



“The Lord is my Strength and my Shield, My heart trusts in Him and I am helped, therefore my heart exults and with my song I shall thank Him!” Psalm 28:7


He shared with me the fact that the Lord has been his strength from within and his shield of protection from without (I’ll say! Even from the microscopic cooties we breathe out into the same air we share!), and that he’s gonna keep on trusting Him, exulting in Him and thanking Him!


And on that note, let me share some praises:





  • Praise God for Paul’s protected health thus far from the germs we’ve managed to bring into our home! A recent lab right before his 2nd chemo treatment concluded that his white blood count is lower than the normal range; I’m completely baffled that he hasn’t caught anything yet!


  • Praise God that Paul’s right eye is completely off of all eye drops as of last Thursday and its pressure remains at 9!


  • Praise God for the scheduled eye surgery on his left eye on February 21st.


  • And here’s a BIGGIE: Praise God, that on February 13th, Paul and I will be celebrating 20 wonderful years of marriage! (Obviously not in Cancun, as we had planned 6 months ago, but nonetheless, gratefully rejoicing in our God’s great faithfulness to us and the deep love that grows sweeter and richer for one another and for our precious Savior with each new day!)


And because it exalts our All-Sufficient God when we come to Him with our requests, please pray along with us:



  • That we’ll be given “green lights” from all the pre-surgery labs, tests, and physical exam for his eye surgery to happen on the 21st of Feb.


  • That the Lord of all Comfort will indeed strengthen Paul physically and spiritually as he deals with all the side effects daily…(perhaps enough to go out on a hot date with his Love on our anniversary!)


  • That I will get better soon and have my voice back..and move out of the guest room!

  • For the two couples who have been close to our hearts and in our prayers as they battle against cancer in its more advanced stages. For Vern, and his wife, Pat. As well as for Paul’s older brother, Dave Miranda who has stage 2, (almost stage 3)-multiple myeloma, and his wife Debra. They have a long road before them and may God be pleased to glorify Himself through their lives as they embrace this opportunity to display to a hopeless world the power and joy of Christ in the midst of their sufferings.


    Paul’s February Calendar of Events:
    Feb 12: Pre surgery Labs and EKG in Richmond (RCH) @ 11:10
    Feb 13: Our 20th Anniversary….Hang out with the Love of his Life!
    Feb 14: Valentine’s Day…."ditto" the day before! ( I love this double whammy stuff!)
    Feb 15: Eye appt, RCH (Dr. Lee) @ 11:15
    Feb 15: Pre surgery Physical Exam, RCH @ 1:30
    ___________________________________________
    Feb 21: Eye Surgery, RCH (Dr. Lee)
    Feb 22: Post-op eye appt, RCH (Dr. Lee) @ 9:15
    ___________________________________________
    Feb 27: Lab tests, VJO
    Feb 28: Oncology appt, VJO (Dr. Schwartz) @ 9:30
    Feb 28: Post-op eye appt., RCH. (Dr. Lee) @ 12:00
    Feb 29: 3rd Chemotherapy treatment, VJO

Saturday, February 9, 2008

You’ll Never Be Alone

Written as I am nursing a yucky cold, can’t sleep, lost my voice, realizing that we’re only ¼ of the way done with Paul’s treatment plan, have to sleep in the guest room because I don't want to infect him, tired & discouraged, and wishing we could be done with it already. Where’s the fast forward button? (yea ..I know…Serious pity party! and I'm the only guest!)
Praise God that He never leaves me to myself!


When you’re in the valley of the shadow of death,
It seems like the journey will last forever;
You almost feel like a change of scenery
Will never happen, never.
The song that used to fill my heart
Is nowhere to be found.
Instead it’s a faded distant hum
No pleasure in its monotonous sound.

I look far into the horizon and
Wish the end would quickly come.
Yet the difficult path in which I tread
Can only be walked and never run.
“But running is so much faster,
is quicker, don’t you see…
Can’t I just run through?
It would be much easier for me!”

Yet the jagged rocks and cracks
Will surely bring me down
And longer in this valley,
I will have to stay around.
For the valley is dark and cold
And there’s no end in sight:
"I hate feeling stuck,
I hate it with all my might

“Look! Many are able to roam about
On those lush plains so free,
They bask in the sun and
Carry on so merrily.
They think, live, and do
without one single thought..
of fear, of illness,
or of suffering loss.”

“Listen, my child, I know you’re tired
And your heart is growing weary,
Sit down here for awhile;
Don’t be in such a hurry!
Let me wipe away your tears
And take away all your frustrations;
Let me hold you close
And remove all your aggravations.”

“I have so much to show you
In this valley that you would not see,
Unless I lead you carefully,
Unless you walk with Me.
Treasures in the darkness
To you I shall unfold.
Yes, child, I know it’s dark,
But don’t let go of My Hold!”

“I’ll teach you how to move through the night,
And trust My eyes instead of yours.
You will not falter one fatal step;
Just trust Me on this rocky course.
I’ll point out all the beauty that abounds
In this valley that you dread.
Vastness of riches, beauty untold
Pleasures for you I’ve prepared!”

“The fragrance you smell that is so sweet
Is not coming from those flowers;
That aroma comes from communing with Me
Delighting in My Presence and My Power.
The water that beckons your parched soul to come
Is not found from that cool stream so clean,
But quench your thirst on the Living Water
Drink me in, My All-Sufficient supply, to lean.”


“The faint beam of light that pierces the darkness
Which you hope will warm you up a might,
Dimly compares to the brightness of My Son,
His glorious radiance will shine through the night!
And when from the chill
you seek shelter in that cave of old,
You will find that your safest refuge is
With you in My Arms enfold.”

“So child don’t run ahead of Me
By My side you must stay,
‘Cause one day when on the heights you stand,
You will cherish this day.
For you have received lessons
That can’t be learned on your own
A lesson that every child of Mine must be taught
Is simply that you’ll never be alone.”

“No matter what this life brings you
Whether in comfort, in need, or in pain,
You will know that I am with You
For I will not forsake My own Name!
I will be Your Refuge,
Your Comforter, Provider and Friend,
Cling to Me, for I will never forsake you,
I Am Faithful to end!”
written by Arlene Miranda, 2008